We all have that inner-voice that threatens to derail us at some point during most days.
The one that taunts us with phrases like, “I can’t, I don’t know how, this is impossible, I always get this wrong”, etc.
But each time you allow that kind of destructive inner dialogue to play out, you are making it stronger, increasing your stress levels, and limiting your thinking and potential, says leadership guru Marcel Schwantes.
The principal and founder of Leadership From the Core tells Inc.com that the solution is a nifty trick called reframing.
By doing the steps below consistently over time, he says you’ll also develop optimism and increase your self-confidence. Both skills will help you perceive yourself and the world differently.
He even suggests choosing your words carefully. When you tell yourself something is “difficult” or “unfair,” it will probably become a drag to have to deal with it. Instead, tell yourself it’s a “challenge” or a “test.”
Here’s how Marcel says you should get started:
1. Begin by consciously identifying the type of inner dialogue or language you use daily. We all have one. What’s yours?
2. Take a mental note, or journal about the negative words or phrases you use at the end of the day. For example: I can’t, I don’t know how, this is impossible, I always get this wrong, etc.
3. Now, really pay attention to the times when you use them again. What are the triggers? Are demands at work piling up? Are things at home not so peachy?
4. Note where you are, who is with you, what time of day is it, and what you’re feeling at that moment.
5. As you notice yourself saying something negative in your mind, you can stop your thought midstream by saying to yourself (or in your head), “Stop!” Saying this aloud will be more powerful, and having to say it aloud will make you more aware of how many times you are stopping negative thoughts and where.
6. Now, dig deep down inside yourself and rethink your assumptions. Are you assuming something is a negative event when it isn’t, necessarily? Stop, rethink, and see if you can come up with a neutral or positive replacement. Example: Notice the difference between telling yourself you can’t handle something and asking yourself how you will handle something. Doesn’t the second thought feel more hopeful and lead to more creativity?