Fighting back tears, The Bachelorette star told her 2DayFM co-host Rove McManus she didn’t “want to be here anymore” or “want to wake up every day anymore”.
“When I first started this job in November, you know I’d been dealing with a lot the previous two years. It was emotionally and mentally exhausting. I love my job, I love working with you every day, but I copped a really hard time.
“Everyone was so critical, the media were critical, and trolls were horrendous. I was getting so heavily trolled, and there were other elements to it that I don’t even want to mention.
“For about three or four months I’d go to work, I’d come home, and I wouldn’t even want to leave the house. I was in an awful place, a really, really dark place. I shut my friends out, I shut my family out. I’d come to work, go home, and stay in that dark horrible place. My relationship was struggling, because I shut Sash [Mielczarek, her partner since appearing on The Bachelorette together] out.”
Sam admits that things go so bad she wasn’t sure how she could go on.
“Sash said, ‘Sam, I don’t know what to do anymore, because all you do is cry, and you’re not talking to me.’
“And I said to him, ‘I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to wake up every day anymore’. It wasn’t until I said that out loud, because I’d just been bottling it all in,” she said.
“I saw the helplessness in his face and realised, it’s not fair for me to want to give up. I just had to find the strength … With my supportive boyfriend and my beautiful friends, I realised my worth.
“I’m worthy of a great job, I’m worthy of a great boyfriend. I just want to be the best version of me I possibly can.
“I’d been working forward and speaking to a professional — because I think that’s important to do. I went to Bali [over the break], I felt like I was all good, and then I saw the heavy comments.
“People were trolling, and making up fake accounts to talk to my loved ones, and making up lies about me. It just all fell heavily on me again. I’ve worked so hard to get away from that dark place, but these trolls are relentless and they’re pushing even harder. I don’t know why people think they can do that to someone.
“I’m a good person and I’ve done nothing but great things for people, I don’t deserve this.”
Sam encouraged others struggling with depression or anxiety to reach out for help.
“The best thing I ever did was admit to myself and a loved one that I’m actually not OK,” she adds.
If you or someone you know is struggling, contact beyondblue on 1300 22 4636. You can also call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or visit the website.
