What Is Tantric Sex And How Do I Have It?

What is tantric sex? How is it different from ‘normal’ sex?

 It’s important we first know Tantra is an entire way of life. The word itself means ‘to weave’ – specifically, the weaving (or merging) of the physical body and our sexual nature, with our hearts and emotions and, our thoughts and soul. We are talking all levels of ‘consciousness’ far beyond just the feel-good pleasure seeking that Tantra is often confused with. This is usually the sexual positions of Kama Sutra that comes to mind for people, which is a different practice to Tantra. Tantra is not about sex, it is about using all available tools to reach a divine state. Of course, this consciousness, or awareness what we bring to Tantric practices can (but does not have to) include love-making.

Where sex for pure pleasure’s sake can be void of intimacy, heart connection, mind connection and fierce presence; Tantric love-making embodies all of this. We learn to ‘weave’ all parts of ourselves with our beloved.  Indeed, there is the physical merging of the sex centres, then we blend our hearts, a connection of love with the physical pleasure, and then the love of heart with the intention of mind. The intention to become one, to become Love.

 Is it hard to master? What are the benefits?

 While multiple orgasms and longer love making are possible, Tantra does not focus on a goal or set outcome. The benefits to a Tantric way of love-making and life are numerous: from deeper connection, compassion, strengthening of communication and being able to feel safe enough to lovingly communicate your needs too and express yourself.

 What are the different challenges with tantric sex for men and women

 The challenges I see when working with couples is varied; from one partner or both not feeling comfortable enough in the relationship to be entirely vulnerable. A partner not feeling seen, heard, held and ultimately loved in the way they so desire.

For women, closing the heart off (either from withholding love or because she doesn’t feel safe, cherished or loved in the way she needs) can result in not feeling ‘turned on’ or sexy or beautiful or wanting to be intimate.  And for a man, he may seem distant or distracted. The act of sacred love-making does call for presence, of watching and witnessing your beloved; of a man putting the needs and desires of the woman before him. When he does, she feels safe enough to soften and unfurl like a flower opening and pour her love into him. Learning how to create or ‘hold’ this space for your beloved and them for you is part of learning the art of Tantric Love.

 Can any tantric sex tips be used in your everyday life?

 Two simple yet profoundly rewarding tips are:

 Create time and space – Sometimes this means setting time to make love, or ‘scheduling sacred sessions’ as I call it. Consistent time shared together, however you choose and enjoy each other’s company, is important for a healthy relationship

Take your time – We rush through life, we don’t want to rush in moments of intimacy. When we truly connect with another, we can feel seen. There is nowhere else to be, no one else to be with. 

Do I need a partner to have tantric sex?

 You do not ‘need’ a partner for Tantric love-making. You can create a sacred space – be that with candles, music, an oil bath or fresh sheets, etc. Take your time, explore your own body, heart, mind and connect how you want to connect with yourself. Learn what you do and don’t like.

While self-exploration may be in self-pleasure, you can also explore yourself in all aspects of life. Learn to know who you are beyond your body, to your emotions; reactions, moods, cycles, your thoughts, your habits and patterns, your default reactions. Your darkness and light as we call it.

I don’t think of myself as spiritual, can I still have tantric sex?

 You can think of yourself however you choose. In the Tantric (esoteric and yogic) Paths we speak of awareness as levels of consciousness. Since consciousness is energy you can just as easily think of Tantra as a science if you choose, as indeed it is. When you can open to that you can then begin to see, since Tantra embraces ALL that is, it is a weaving of science with soul; of the physical world and the world we can’t see, the spiritual.

 What if I want to try it, but my partner isn’t into it?

 Number one suggestion is drop expectations and focus on open communication. Set time to chat; lovingly, openly. Sharing and listening to what is important to each of you and how you can bring that to life. Remember, Tantra is only one Path to liberation; to awakening, to bliss and sacred union. Find what works for you as a couple.

 Tell us a bit about what you are doing at Super Bloom 

I will be offering immersive workshops on both days of the Super Bloom Festival; ‘‘Rediscover the Essence of Tantra’ which will go deeper into the truth on Tantra and how we can better understand this sacred and mystical world. Then another workshop on ‘Living a Tantric Life for Real ~ With & Without a Beloved’ – I will share practical tips and much love-wisdom to turn the longing for intimate love into a reality. No matter if you have a current partner or not. I will also be around for Q&A and some sacred guided practices in the Orgasm Room too!

StellaMuse is the pseudonym of tantra practitioner, Reiki master, holistic life & health coach, writer and speaker, Elise Carr M.A. – one of the featured wellbeing leaders in the Orgasm Room at this year’s Super Bloom Festival (April 13 + 14).