Dr Karen Phillip Poses The Question: The Challenges Of Asking Why?

Happiness is Boring
Dr Karen Phillip

Psychologist and Health contributor

Oct 21, 2022

We all ask why, we all do it, from childhood to maturity. What if you discovered asking this question, why, was challenging; what then?

When someone asks the question, why, our mind immediately goes global. We search our minds database to come up with an answer, we, in fact, search far and wide within our mind to connect previous experiences and knowledge to respond. This can take a bit of time as we continue to explore our often already busy mind.

The problem with this is the broad implications we are left processing. Then it’s the time it takes to search and often the inaccuracies of our response as far as the clarity of the response .‘Why’ is a broad question we need to change?

I am sure you can recall many times when you have been asked the ‘why’ question, or you have asked another person that ‘why’ question. The typical response is “I’m not really sure”, then they and you may proceed to discuss a range of widely applicable meanings in the attempt to focus on the ‘why’ of something.

What if you learnt to avoid the broad search and discover a way to find direct access the response. You can. We adjust the question ‘Why’ to something more specific, to a question that can quickly focus your mind to search for a specific response and answer. The way to ask the ‘why’ question correctly is to ask, “What is the Reason you feel/think this” or “what is the reason you chose to do this.”

The expression ‘what is the reason’ immediately focuses our conscious and subconscious on relevant data, the search is more focused and the answer far easier to locate. It is also usually far more accurate and honest. Even if you can’t answer exactly, the ‘what is the reason…’ question, it enables the mind to focus and search all relevant internal databases and experiences to locate an answer or something closely related. The database mind search is far smaller, faster and easier for our mind to handle.

The next time you may be asked ‘why’, change it in your head and reword it to ‘what is the reason….’ You will be pleasantly surprised to discover how much faster you can find a response. When you start to ask the ‘what is the reason’ question instead of the why question, you will also be able to gather better information and specific reasons for things the other person is doing or thinking. It therefore not only clarifies it for them, but it also provides relevant responses for you.

When we do something and wonder the reason we did, said or behaved the way we did, ask yourself “what is the reason I did this?” it may assist you to find the clarity you seek.

Give it a go, see what positive difference it makes.

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Read more from Dr Karen at www.drkarenphillip.com


By Dr Karen Phillip

Psychologist and Health contributor

Dr Karen Phillip is a counselling psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist specialising in parenting and relationships. The widely respected author of “Who Runs Your House, the kids or you?’ and ‘OMG We’re Getting Married’ is also in demand as a speaker and regularly appears on TV and radio.



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