Many women would rather strap on their sneakers for a forced five-kilometre fun run with colleagues than ask for a pay rise! However, it need not be an overwhelming, anxiety-inducing experience. In this extract from her new book, Earning Power, recruitment specialist Roxanne Calder shares her tip on how to ask for a pay rise. With advice from popular foodie Nagi Maehashi of RecipeTinEats.

In my conversations with women interviewed for my book, they all emphasise the importance of having the courage to speak up and be heard. Of course, knowing this and acting on it are two very different things. One of the most challenging times to do this is when asking for a pay rise or promotion.

As I’ve mentioned, most women I have met would rather resign from a job (even if they love it) than ask for a pay rise or a promotion. The conversation seems to be that hard. Add the feelings of self-doubt, and it becomes almost insurmountable. Don’t just take it from me, though. According to a Merrill Lynch and Age Wave report, 61 per cent of women would rather talk about their own death than money.

These are the psychological theories that explain why we do this:

• Loss aversion theory – In this context, this means the fear of losing what we have — for example, respect from our boss or even our job. This makes us avoid the ‘risk’ of asking.
• Ego depletion – This refers to the mental energy needed to overcome self-doubt and fear, which can be so overwhelming that people choose the path of least resistance, making them silent.

Although it is important to understand the psychology behind such behaviour, we still need the courage to ask for what we deserve! Here’s how to tackle asking for a pay rise, promotion, extra training, or anything else that is important to you and requires your strong voice.

1. Have all facts and information at the ready

If it’s a pay rise you’re after:

• When was your last pay increase?
• Was it above inflation and market rates?
• Do you receive other benefits such as additional superannuation, health insurance, bonuses, or training? These all count towards your total remuneration package.
• Be up to date with knowledge of your industry and job, as this provides bargaining power and confidence.
• Compare like with like: job content, education, and years of experience. Look at job advertisements, recruitment agencies, and salary guides.
• Review the job description: Are you meeting all requirements? What are your wins?

If it’s a promotion you’re after:

• Are you delivering in your current role?
• What are the job requirements?
• Work out your transferable skills.
• For any gaps in skills or capability, be prepared with a solution.
• Highlight what else you bring (soft skills and attributes).
• Consider what you’re prepared to do to be successful. What extra time and investment will you commit to? (Use your SWOT analysis!)

Or, if it’s upskilling/training you’re after:

• What are the costs, and how will they translate to a return on investment (ROI)?
• What are the benefits to the business and its customers?

2. Prepare your mindset

• Be calm with a positive outlook.
• Try not to hold onto any dissenting thoughts. Recall positive aspects of your job and employer instead. Whether positive or negative, these thoughts transfer to your body language and demeanour.
• Part of mindset preparation is viewing your employer’s perspective. Seeing the other side is the foundation of smart negotiations.
• Don’t go in with an overly high pitch as a ‘chancer.’ It could erode your credibility and integrity and damage relationships, so be mindful.

3. Practise

• How many times in our career do we negotiate a pay rise, ask for a promotion, or request extra training? Not often. So why do we wing it?
• Practise and say it out loud. Smile and use eye contact. The more you become accustomed to stating your figure and reasons, the easier it will roll off your tongue.
• When practice is neglected, two outcomes typically occur: at the last minute, you baulk at the figure you originally psyched yourself up for and ask for less, or your dialogue comes across as blunt and demanding.
• Take notes with you. It is totally okay and expected. It will help you remain calm and composed.

4. Have a back-up plan

• If you don’t get what you set out for, don’t default to resigning.
• Find out what needs to be done for you to achieve what you are asking for.
• Ask for a review date. Have this conversation in the current meeting, not later.
• Remain calm and think about the big picture for your whole future.

Even someone as accomplished and self-assured as Nagi Maehashi from RecipeTin Eats says the first time she negotiated a pay rise, she was ‘freaking out.’ It’s so easy to say, but it’s really about finding the courage to do it. The times after that, however, she just thought:

“What’s the harm in asking?”

And she got it. Nagi’s advice:

“Go into the meeting and have a sensible discussion. Don’t mention other people’s salaries—I really think that undermines the situation. The biggest thing that I would say is to think about what there is to lose. Whatever you are asking for, if you do it professionally and you’re polite about it—whether it’s asking for a promotion, a pay rise, a bonus, or more responsibilities—just think: What is there to lose? And if there’s nothing to lose, do it in a polite way.”

After all, discussing a salary rise isn’t just about money—it’s about self-worth and self-advocacy. It’s about wanting others to value our contribution in a way that is fair and deserved. If we can remove the negative emotions and psychological states that tend to work against us during this process, we can focus with confidence on what truly matters.

Edited extract from ‘Earning Power: Breaking Barriers and Building Wealth for Women’ (Wiley, $34.95) by Roxanne Calder. Roxanne is the founder and managing director of EST10 – one of Sydney’s most successful recruitment agencies. For more information on how Roxanne can assist with your recruitment needs, visit www.est10.com.au.