So you’ve looked under every rock but just can’t find a great guy who listens attentively, while simultaneously cleaning the house and pumping a few weights… Yes, about that ‘partner checklist’…
OK that may be an exaggeration, as most of women would agree that the reason for ‘singledom’ isn’t because of some unrealistic checklist but rather, not meeting a compatible soul. Simple. Others would argue contrary, and say that the social changes that have occurred in the last generation or two, like women completing university, having careers and financial independence, travelling the world… have changed the way we women think, our femininity and consequently our expectations from a partner.
According to Jennifer Granger, author of Feminine Lost: Why Most Women are Male, with the rise of the feminist movement, many women have migrated to their masculine side. Jennifer believes that the Feminist Movement was absolutely appropriate for its time. “Not only did it release women to their masculine side but it also gave men permission to explore their feminine side,” she explains. “The result was that men and women no longer had to contend with the stereotypical role-playing that they had suffered through in the 50s.” However, Jennifer suggests that the social swing has been so great that “women are now so overburdened and overcommitted,” and that has been an enormous contributing factor to their masculinity. “Some, to the extent of losing access to their feminine side altogether,” explains Jennifer. “As women have travelled further and further into their masculine side, a see-saw effect has occurred and that has caused many men to travel deeper into their feminine aspect.”
So what does this mean for our love relationships?
“We are effectively human magnets when it comes to attraction of the opposite sex,” explains Jennifer. “We all carry two energies within – one masculine and one feminine energy. It is the mix of these two energies that determines who you attract into your life. A highly masculine woman can only attract a man with a high feminine orientation. That is fine if she is happy with that scenario. But if she is unaware of how she is constructed, she is in danger of being sought out by opportunistic and unscrupulous men who could take advantage of her masculine capabilities.”
That means that ambitious, financially independent and capable women are likely to attract their opposite… a guy who’s happy for a free ride while the woman does bulk of the work. “This process has had huge consequences for relationships between men and women, often leaving them feeling unsatisfied within their relationships or lonely without one,” she warns.
In Jennifer’s book, Feminine Lost, she examines a series of female archetypes, from the Andro Woman to the Cougar and Good Doer and more, that have come to the fore since the feminist movement. “I’ve paired them with their masculine opposite, and looked at how the process of attraction functions under these circumstances,” Jennifer explains. “When the feminine principle breaks down, the ramifications are many. Feminine Lost breaks through the misunderstanding of what it means to be feminine – it is not an outward appearance but something far more significant. If women are brave enough to have their ‘dark side’ revealed to them and have it brought to their awareness, it can become a powerful tool of protection against opportunistic men.” Take a look at the archetype profiles below or ask an honest friend to reveal which archetype you are (sometimes our self-perception is not always accurate!), and read Jennifer’s tips to rebalance your feminine side with your masculine…
THE GOOD DOER:
- Over committed
- Never says NO
- Too much ‘doing’
- Calendar is always open to others
- No self-care
- For this woman to transform herself she has to prioritise her time and her personal resources.
- She has to take things out of her calendar that are not directly her responsibility, or things that someone else is better suited doing.
- She needs to set aside blocks of time just for herself.
- Meditation, yoga, Pilates or walking in nature is a good way for her to rebalance her feminine energy with her outgoing masculine energy.
- This woman’s polarity is on the high side of male, but she does have the ability to connect with her feminine. She is compassionate and nurturing.
- This woman will reconnect with her feminine aspect when she can take time for herself by following her Transformational Steps.
THE VILLAINOUS ANDRO WOMAN:
- Power hungry
- She has to develop the courage to look at herself honestly.
- Deal with her fear.
- Notice how she thinks about herself first in all situations.
- Investigate her need for power and then redirect her power hunger into more constructive pursuits.
- This woman’s polarity is on the high end of the spectrum of masculine. She has a disconnect with her feminine aspect.
- Reconnection with her feminine can be a long road. She has many benefits from her masculine behaviour. She is often successful and very good at manipulating people. She would have to be committed to being a ‘better’ person to reconnect with her feminine aspect.
THE VIRTUOUS ANDRO WOMAN:
- Has a cause
- Analyse her motives for doing things.
- Recognise that people close to her often suffer for the sake of her ambition and her cause.
- Take time for herself to reconnect with her feminine aspect.
- Develop some real female friendships that can nurture her feminine aspect.
- This woman’s polarity on the spectrum is on the high end of masculine.
- She is not fully disconnected from her feminine because her cause is usually born out of her compassion and desire for others to be in a better place.
- She has a real chance at reconnecting with her feminine because she is compassionate and has the good of others in mind. She needs to transfer that compassion to herself and those closest to her. Time and nurturing for herself, her friends and family will go a long way to helping her reconnect with her feminine.
THE FAUX FEMININE WOMAN:
- Own her manipulative ways.
- Make an effort to be more trustworthy.
- Change her moral stance.
- Find a way to be genuine.
- This woman’s polarity is on the high end of masculine.
- Her predatory ways confirm her masculinity.
- She would have to reinvent herself and give up all of her dishonest and manipulative ways. This is asking a lot for her to reconnect with her feminine aspect. There isn’t a lot in it for her to do that.
- Likes young men
- In mourning for the lost youth
- Stop the predatory behaviour.
- Accept her age and embrace her stage of life.
- Find age appropriate relationships.
- Behave with integrity and authenticity.
- This woman’s predatory behaviour puts her on the high end of masculine.
- Her predatory ways confirm her masculinity.
- To reconnect with her feminine self she would have to own her femininity and the cycle of life that she is in. She would have to accept that she is no longer young and has entered into the stage of life that asks her to behave with maturity.
Author Jennifer Granger worked as a corporate insider on four continents over a 20-year period before becoming a transformational coach. Living now in Melbourne, Australia, she is the author of a new ground-breaking book, Feminine Lost: Why Most Women are Male (Weinstein Books, $19.99). Her book discusses the sorry state of relationships between men and women in the boardrooms and bedrooms around the world, and she explains how finding one’s own correct balance of internal energies creates a better life at work and at home. For more information visit www.femininelost.com