Report by Family Divorce Lawyer Cassandra Kalpaxis
The word divorce is often associated with fighting, court disputes, long settlements and in most cases, child custody wars. We hear about it and in some cases, unfortunately, witness it first hand. However, this doesn’t have to be the case. Divorce can be an amicable process whereby both parties can leave feeling satisfied and emotionally unhinged. It’s all about the way you go about it and the people you employ to manage the splitting of what was once, a shared life.
For those with kids, remember that they have their own emotions to deal with and are far more observant than you think. Nasty divorces can leave kids with emotional and attachment issues long into adulthood – be open and honest with them and include them at the appropriate times.
Communication is King
The reason most couples argue throughout divorce proceedings is that one feels as if they were blindsided. When we are placed into uncertain or unforeseen circumstances, it’s in our human nature to be defensive and close off to all reason and understanding.
Open and honest communication is vital if you are thinking of getting a divorce with your husband or wife. It won’t be an easy conversation to have. Still, it’ll even the playing field and leave both parties with a clearer head to sort out the important particulars rather than spending their time arguing over mostly petty grievances.
Seek Professional Assistance
Getting the advice of a professional mediator or divorce councillor before initiating the divorce will help you and your partner lay some ground rules for the following discussions. Setting expectations in terms of communication, behaviour, and assets will avoid any disagreements and unruly behaviour – leading to a far more amicable divorce process for everyone involved.
If any problems or arguments arise during the process, seek immediate mediation before the argument escalates. Mediation is a confidential process conducted by a third-party not known to either person. They’ll listen to the concerns of both people and provide suggestions and ideas on how to settle the dispute before it grows.
Your partner is feeling the same emotions as you; they are unsure of what’s next and may even be scared. Approaching all discussions and actions with empathy will go a long way in defusing any tension or aggression.
Understanding your husband/wife’s concerns and answering appropriate questions is a sure-fire way to demonstrate an empathetic side to divorce.
No News is Not Good News
Always respond promptly, not responding gives off a response that may be greater than actually sitting down and discussing the circumstances. As mentioned above, set boundaries around communication and responses so both parties can act in confidence and be assured everything is proceeding amicably.
Set an Example
If children are involved in your divorce, then it is imperative that you set an example and communicate with them openly and honestly. Be unified in your approach to parenting so a sense of normality remains, especially for any youngsters you may have. Consider hiring a parenting Co-ordinator to ensure that your children’s needs are met and not forgotten throughout the proceedings.
The 3 R’s
Respect, Responsibility, and Resilience – we are taught this in primary school but is a motto that you should carry with you throughout your divorce. Treat your partner as you wish to be treated; everything should progress much more amicably.
Show respect by being honest and communicating effectively when needed, but also show resilience, get out of the house, and remind yourself of the joys of life. That might be playing with the children or going to the cinemas.
Resentment is harboured very quickly when a divorce becomes an individual’s entire life. It’s okay to take a break and be happy throughout divorce proceedings. You’ll have a clearer head and more balanced emotions – further enabling an amicable split.
About Cassandra Kalpaxis
Cassandra Kalpaxis is reshaping the way women think about divorce and separation. Cassandra has seen first-hand how an amicable divorce can lead to more stability in the life of both parties and their children.
To promote this ethos, she opened Kalpaxis legal in 2017 under the guise of a collaborative family law firm, emphasising the continuity of relationships over asset grabbing. Placing a large emphasis on the rights and concerns of Australian women, Cassandra makes her clients feel supported in times often associated with darkness.