Dr Cohen, of Kids & Co, says children aren’t perfect, nor are parents, but you can work to develop considerate behaviour from your children and what is grounds for concern.
To help you get the best out of those milestone years, here is another exclusive edited extract from her book.
Mindful parenting
Mindfulness or mindful awareness is defined by Kabat-Zinn (1994) as the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally, to the unfolding of experience from moment to moment.
Mindful parenting is being present for your children. It means not having your attention turned away from what is happening between the two of you at that moment in time.
It is an approach to parenting in which we are aware of our own thoughts and feelings while also being open to those of our children. When we are mindful as parents we enable our children to be fully present in the moment.
The way we as parents communicate with our children determines how they experience themselves in that moment and influences the security of their attachment.
Mindful parents have intention in their actions. When we are mindful we intentionally choose how we will respond in that moment in time to a child’s behaviour. Mindfulness supports parents in their efforts to develop thoughtful and contingent responses to their children.
Parents who are mindful are able to be present during connecting interactions with their children and are less likely to be reactive in their responses. Connecting interactions such as talking, singing, cuddling, reading and playing with children help to grow their brains and strengthen relationships.
Research has shown that when parents or caregivers relate to children with mindfulness they are able to think and act more rationally, experience less parenting stress and can be more present for their children’s needs.
Simple mindfulness strategy
Relating to children with mindful awareness activates the area of the brain (the medial pre-frontal cortex) which deactivates defensive systems and allows for more rational thought. This allows parents to step outside of their own experience and be present to their child’s needs.
The following is a simple mindfulness strategy that when practiced regularly will help you to calm yourself quickly before managing any parenting challenges presented.
Stop, Breathe, Respond
Stop
- Stop what you are doing.
- Stand with your feet firmly on the floor and your body tall and straight.
Breathe
- Focus on your breath.
- Take a slow deep breath and notice the air go into your belly, then exhale slowly.
- Take three to five slow breaths.
- Focus your awareness on each in and out breath.
- Smile and stand for a moment longer.
- Ask yourself what you or your child needs right at this moment in time.
Respond
- Respond to your child with new insight and understanding.
You can read the first extract in a three-part series here.
Parenting Made Easy: The Early Years By Dr Anna Cohen (Australian Academic Press, $29.95) is available now through aapbooks.com.
