British model Cara Delevingne’s graced the catwalks of the biggest labels in the world (think Burberry, Chanel and more), and she seems to ooze confidence with every step she takes. However, it wasn’t all as it seemed – Cara explained at the Women in the World summit in London.
“[Depression] started when I was 15-years-old, when I was at school. I really wanted to do well at school to please my parents, and to please my family,” says Delevingne. “I didn’t really care that much about school because I knew I was never going to be very good at it. I think I pushed myself so far… I got to the point where I had a mental breakdown.”
“I was completely suicidal, I didn’t want to live anymore. I thought I was completely alone. I also realised how lucky I was; what a wonderful family and wonderful friends I had. But that didn’t matter… I wanted the world to swallow me up. And nothing seemed better to me than death,” continues Delevingne.
When asked by actor and writer Rupert Everett what Cara’s first unsuccessful year of modelling at 17 was like, her response was, “there were elements where it was fun, because it’s like a camaraderie of people not being successful, but it wasn’t nice.”
“You’re constantly told you’re not pretty enough, or not skinny enough, or not tall enough, and people are better. When you’re young, you think it means you’re not good enough as a person. That means I’m not living up to what I should be. But about a year later, I was discovered. I worked for Burberry, and then everyone wants you. You pick up pace, but I had no concept of saying no to anyone, ever.”
Things took a turn when Cara was under too much stress, and was working every day.
“After a while, I got really sick. I got something called psoriasis. It happened at a time where I was doing shows, and I had these giant welts all over my body and head, and they would bleed. You look at yourself like you’re an alien. I felt more disconnected to myself than I ever had. At that time, I needed someone to stop me. I wanted someone to go, “you need to do something, you need look after yourself.”
“I started writing – writing was something that really saved my life. I would write, and I would read what I had written, and it was like someone else was talking to me. It was a very strange experience.”
“After that, I found yoga, which was a huge thing for me. I didn’t cry a lot… I thought emotion, as a kid, was a weakness. I thought that if you were emotional, then that’s just a silly thing to feel. When I went to yoga, it started off as a superficial thing, I wanted to be flexible and fit,. When I met my yoga instructor, he asked why I was doing this. We sat down and started chanting, and I got so angry with myself, but I broke through something, and I burst into tears, something I hadn’t done in years. I looked at him and said, “why did you do this, you’re a monster?,” and he just started laughing. He said, “if you hadn’t have cried then I would be very worried.”
Since discovering yoga, Cara has picked herself up and has surrounded herself with people who have her best interests at heart.
She finished her chat with a quote, “be comfortable in your shoes, because you’re going to be in them for a while.”
Photography by Benjamin Madgwick for YSL Beauté
