The Christmas decorations are out, Santa’s turning up at the local shopping centre and festive season sales are already starting. But after the year we’ve all had, it’s pretty understandable if the idea of Christmas leaves you with a feeling of dread rather than excitement. The idea of large festive gatherings, long to-do lists and hunting for presents in busy shops might make you want to hide under a blanket.
So, how can you go from feeling stressed to excited about the silly season?
Here are three strategies to try:
1. Start with what’s important:
Before getting caught up with the runaway Christmas train, take a moment to think about what’s really important for you this year. What is most meaningful to you about Christmas? Is it the opportunity to reconnect with family you’ve not seen due to lockdowns? Or to have some quiet time to yourself? Or to spend quality time with your kids?
Thinking about your own internal compass and what really matters to you is a great way to reset your approach so that you’re focused on doing what’s important to you, rather than what you think other people might expect of you. After the year we’ve all had, there’s no point in wasting time or energy on what you think you ‘should’ be doing.
2. Acceptance is not approval:
Are you feeling stressed out about things outside of your control? If you’re struggling with not being able to see family overseas or interstate, accept that it’s not something you can change.
Acceptance isn’t the same as approval, but when we accept something, we can let go of wasting energy on fighting reality and wishing things were different, and focus instead on what we can control. We can think more clearly and be more resourceful with what we DO have.
3. Create agreements rather than expectations:
If you feel like everything is falling on your shoulders, and you’re frustrated that others in your family aren’t stepping up to help, it’s time to be proactive in creating some productive agreements ahead of Christmas. Most people will defer to the person with the experience and proven track record of success to do the unpaid work. If that’s you and you don’t let people know you want or need help, typically they won’t offer it freely.
Sit down with your family ‘team’ and talk about what’s most important to you about Christmas this year. And what’s most important to them. You could actually be making a whole load of assumptions about what the ‘ideal Christmas’ looks and feels like for others. Perhaps your family would actually be happy to forgo gifts this year, and just have a really nice homemade meal together instead. Or perhaps you’d all rather go out for Christmas lunch rather than spend time in the kitchen. You might be surprised by the creative ideas your team comes up with, and new favourite Christmas traditions could even emerge.
Decide as a ‘team’ about what’s most important – making it into a ‘family Christmas project’. Allocate project tasks based on interest, skill level and ability and reinforce that everyone’s unique contribution to the Christmas project is valuable.
For me, as a mum of three boys, I make a point of sitting down with them late November and working through this process. I ask the children what they love about Christmas and why it is a favourite time of year. The goal is to understand what is meaningful and can be focused on and amplified and what is ‘excess’ and can be avoided or eliminated. When the boys were younger, it was all about the presents and the ‘once a year’ food. Now it’s more about spending time with family and friends and relaxing. So, I don’t agonise over gifts and get caught up in last-minute shopping to balance the present budget for each child. We focus on setting up the Christmas tree and decorations together, cramming in as many Christmas movies as we can leading up to the big day and have a lovely family meals together.
It’s a brilliant way to simplify the whole festive season, reduce the parental performance pressure and build gratitude for the things that really matter.
Now’s the time to communicate with your loved ones and reset ahead of the festive season. Let’s make 2021 the Christmas where you reconnect with joy, however that might look for you.
About the author: Danielle Dobson is an author, speaker, coach and advocate, on a mission to break the Gender Code – the code of beliefs we hold as a society which says women are carers and men are providers, and we are intrinsically different. Her book, Breaking the Gender Code, gives women practical strategies to rewrite their own ‘code’ for creating the life they actually want. Danielle also works with organisations to help them unlock the potential of the women on their teams, and to attract the right female talent.
To find out more about Danielle and her book, Breaking the Gender Code, visit here.
For more from The Carousel on Christmas, visit here.
