Actions speak louder than words – or do they? Heidi Poelman, author of The Two Minute Marriage Project, believes the two go hand in hand to make a happy marriage. And there’s one more important ingredient she says is pivotal to add to the mix.
Here’s Heidi’s take on what happily married couples ‘think, say and do’ to stay in love for the long haul…
1. Loved-up Couples Think…
“Happy couples see their spouse in the best light. Rather than getting irritated over their quirks or stewing over the things they do wrong, couples help their love last when they focus on the positive. They give each other room to make mistakes and focus on the things their partner gets right.”
2. Happily Married Couples Remember To Say…
“After years of marriage, we don’t always feel the urge to express our affection the way we did when we were falling in love. But loving words can still stoke the romantic flames whether you’ve been married for 30 days or 30 years. Happy couples say ‘I love you’ often, they express gratitude, they tell each other ‘You look nice tonight’. I’ve been married for 15 years and when my husband thanks me for making dinner, says he loves me, or says ‘You are beautiful’, I still get tingles. Happy couples also check in with each other, whether that’s asking for an opinion, asking how the day went, or just sharing a funny story. Those connections communicate that we care.”
3. Long-Haul Lovers Do…
“Love is more than a feeling – love is a verb. We have to love our spouse by showing we care about their happiness and wellbeing. These are the little acts of kindness that keep couples connected. My husband likes to bring me a glass of orange juice in the morning because he knows I love it. I iron his shirts for him because he often runs out of time with his busy job and I have more flexibility at home. I’ve talked to couples who have shared all sorts of ways that they feel loved by their spouse – hiding a love note in a suitcase when a spouse is traveling, bringing home a favourite ice cream or soda, cooking a favourite dinner, giving a foot rub after a long day, calling to see how the big meeting went, coming home with flowers, or simply giving a hug at the door after you’ve been apart all day. These are the ways we show our spouse we are still in love and still happy to be together.”
About Heidi
Heidi Poelman is the author of The Two Minute Marriage Project. She has a master’s degree in communication. She had a particular interest in studying marriage dynamics. She wanted to know why something as simple as a tone of voice, a type of greeting, a sincere compliment, or a phone call could so greatly impact the feelings between two partners. This moved her to write The Two-Minute Marriage Project, in which she was able to more fully explore the significance of seemingly simple thoughts, words and deeds.
