He’s the guy for you; he has the looks, personality, and does it for you where you need it most. Wouldn’t it be great if you could keep your connection close so that he’ll never want to leave?
The reality is that a great relationship one minute can turn into a nightmare the next.
Life can get in the way, there can be stresses we never took into account. But if you want the connection with your guy to last, and be all it can be, make sure you don’t break these three simple rules, says Dr Winfried Sedhoff, below, a Brisbane-based family physician specialising in mental health.
1. Never be emotionally unfaithful
The emotional stuff we share is the glue that binds us; the more of it we share the closer our relationship can be. This can simply mean if you love it, share it. If it makes you sad, share it. If you think it’s yuck, share it. If it really hurt you, share it. Relationships last longer if we come together; share our likes and dislikes; keep ourselves emotionally engaged in each other’s life. A sure way to tear a relationship apart is to share our heart’s desires and disappointments with someone else of the opposite sex; it is poison to our closeness. If you can’t share the moments with your partner – for whatever reason – then share it with a girlfriend instead. Guys who are not your partner should never be your close friend and be privy to what is important to your heart, not if you want your relationship – and its friendship – to be strong and last.
2. Never break the trust of secrets
It’s a great way to bond, and it can even help revitalise a failing relationship. Secrets build closeness. How trusted, important, and special must we be if someone has shared a most trusted secret? The deeper the secrets and the more of them we share the closer our connection can be. When we share secrets we are giving the other person our heart and soul and putting it into their custody to protect. Make fun of their secret, or worse, breach the trust and share it with someone else, and you may as well throw your relationship off a cliff. And never share secrets with another man who isn’t – or you don’t want to be – your partner. That just drives a wedge between you – someone else is meeting needs only your partner should meet.
3. Never look over the fence for what is missing
Don’t even think about it! Sure, your relationship isn’t going the best; your partner isn’t listening enough, appreciating you as you’d like, giving you the affection you crave, and the sense of value you deserve. That’s no excuse to look elsewhere to find it. Relationships aren’t like a smorgasbord; we can’t just take what looks tasty from wherever, that just divides us. Better to learn what needs aren’t being met then both work together to satisfy them as a team – this means never blaming one person and making it all their fault. If you realise your partner just can’t give you what you want, and you can’t accept it, then be honest about it – we all deserve the respect of honesty over deceit. If you can’t figure it out together seek professional help; there is much you can do that can make your relationship work. If there is a problem sort it out early, before it becomes the Grand Canyon with each of you shouting from the opposite side.
Oh, and yes, guys want closeness in their relationships too – it’s rare I find a guy who doesn’t. It’s just we don’t always know how best to create and maintain them. Enjoy your relationship. Relish in the close connection!
About the author:
Dr Winfried Sedhoff is a family physician specialising in mental health with over 25 years of clinical experience. His new book, The Fall and Rise of Women, How women can change the world, is out now. Visit winfriedsedhoff.com for more information.
