Fancy being tied up to the bed posts, blindfolded and dripped in chocolate? How about a threesome? You may not be the only one. “Let’s be honest, everyone at some stage has a secret sexual fantasy in the back of their mind (or their bedroom cupboard) that they are dying to share with their partner,” says Juliet Allen, HERO Condoms Sexologist. “Unfortunately, bringing up the topic of fantasy with a partner can be awkward, and often we end up keeping our sexual fantasies to ourselves.” So how do we successfully go from fantasy, to reality? And what’s the best way to bring up the topic with our sexual partner? Here, Juliet gives dishes her frills and all advice…
Fantasy & Kink Is Normal
“Fantasy is completely normal and natural. Before you discuss your fantasies with your partner, it’s important that you come to terms with them yourself. Nothing is too weird, or out of the ordinary. We are all unique sexual beings, and this means that each of us will have different turnons and desires, and we need to respect that. It’s ok to think what your thinking, and it’s important that your partner respects your desires.”
Start Small & Work Your Way Up
“This is the easiest way to deal with fantasy – begin by introducing your fantasy in a nonthreatening, easy way. For example, you dream of using whips and chains with your partner, but you begin by suggesting that you would love to tie them up using a soft fabric.
Starting small will allow your partner to warm up to the idea, and it gives them a chance to say yes to the little things, before introducing the bigger requests. Take your time, be patient and respect this is all new to them.”
Fantasy Doesn’t Always Have to Become Reality
“Yes, that’s right, just because your thinking and talking about it, doesn’t mean you have to go out and do it in real life. Often the best thing about fantasy is that it’s simply that! Some couples mistake a cheeky bit of dirty talk in the bedroom as something they must act out, and often this just isn’t going to work. For example, in the heat of the moment your partner says he would love a threesome… the thought of this turns you on and you entertain the idea during sex. When sex ends, so does the fantasy, and turning it into a reality doesn’t always have to happen.”
Juliet Allen is HERO Condoms sexologist— a company that donates one condom to developing countries for every one bought in Australia, to help stop the spread of HIV/AIDS and save lives.
