At home, no one’s showing respect. At work, everyone questions your agenda. You’re on edge and ready to pounce for any breach – but is this way of reacting costing you your own happiness?
Sydney-based success coach Muffy Churches, below, says that it’s something we all do too often, allowing our ego to go into overdrive.
“We’re programmed with a lifetime of thought patterns, memories of past hurts, conflict triggers and plenty of stress,” says Muffy, author of Coach Yourself and director of Beyond Focal Point.
“In over-protective mode our ego responds immediately to any perceived threat, real or imagined, causing us to knee-jerk into fight or flight.”
Below Muffy outlines five ways to help get your ego out of the way:
1. Just Observe
Notice the moments where you feel edgy, agitated, frustrated, angry, concerned or defensive. Each time, ask yourself the question “Is this feeling legitimate under the circumstances or am I blowing this out of proportion?”
2. Find the ‘Gap’
There is always a space in time between what we experience, see or hear and our outward reaction to it. Intentionally step into this ‘gap’ to delay your response while you decide what reaction is most appropriate. You’ll find yourself back in full control and the outcome of the moment may be dramatically different.
3. Shift Gears
It’s easy to focus on life’s frustrations, but one of the most powerful means of shifting this thought pattern is to acknowledge the parts of your life that are good. Placing a focus on this ‘good stuff’ will literally alter your chemistry, moving you off the defensive and into a position of comfort, confidence and control.
4. Identify Your Triggers
Explore the source of your reaction to find what is responsible for activating it. Consider current stressors (such as issues with your health or finances), or conflict triggers (feeling disempowered or disrespected) that might help you understand your reaction and how to shift your mindset around it to weaken its effect on you.
5. Anticipate & Prepare
The art of anticipation is underrated, but we tend to knee jerk into default reactions when we’re taken by surprise. If pre-prepared, we can manage the moment in full control so scan your day for the events, meetings, or conversations that have the potential to derail your best intentions. Put a plan in place for how you’ll chose to feel, think and respond to create the best outcome.
