Blanche D'Alpuget: "If You Want To Be Happy, Love Someone Else"

The graceful, connected, wise and witty Blanche D’Alpuget has spent much of her life under the prying watch of the media – as an author, a philanthropist, a woman and long-time partner of our charismatic former Prime Minister, Bob Hawke. Indeed, ‘Bob & Blanche’ have stood the test of time, of politics, of paparazzi and most importantly, they have been steadfast in love as an iconic Australian pair.

Here, Blanche talks about her charitable work with Inala – a Rudolph Steiner-based centre for the disabled, her love of the Polo, her writing, women in business, the importance of grooming and most importantly, Blanche reveals the secret that has kept her relationship with Bob steadfast and beautiful for 20years.

You’ve done a great deal of charitable work over the years, can you tell us a little about your involvement with Inala and why you’ve chosen this specific organisation to work with?

I’d been interested in the genius of Rudolph Steiner for years and used to visit the Steiner shop in Sydney to buy books. Fifteen or sixteen years ago I was approached by someone from Inala and invited to see Steiner’s philosophy for educating the intellectually disabled in practice, a system that would make their lives REAL lives, not merely existences. I drove up to Cherrybrook. It was love at first sight. I hadn’t even known Steiner had a system of education for the intellectually impaired. It was a knock out to see his ideas realised: the happiness and vitality of the children and grown-ups, the goodness of their teachers and carers, the sense of beauty in everything and every person. I’ d been to a hundred black tie dinners for glamorous charities. Here, for me, was something deeply honest, simple and heart-felt, changing the lives of people whom society for the most part feared and shunned. Our attitudes to the disabled have changed greatly in the intervening years, fortunately.

Why is this kind of altruistic work so important to you?

If you want to be happy, love someone else. Be kind to someone else. Service to others, when done with a pure motive – that is, not wanting to fluff up your own ego – is among life’s greatest satisfactions.

You’ve had a wonderfully successful and consistent career as a writer…tell us some of the highlights and downsides of your career…

Writing is such a joy for me that the highlight is crafting a sentence or a paragraph to my total satisfaction. It might happen only once in an entire book. The other great highlight is getting the structure right. I know this sounds odd, but writers feel the shape of their books. The shape of my biography of Bob Hawke was utterly pleasing to me: it was built like a stone church. That’s how I saw it, and was very happy with it. Prizes and reviews and so forth can be gratifying, but they’re not highlights. The downside of writing is getting oneself in a tangle either with the narrative, or in one’s head. I once had writer’s block that lasted 3 years. In the end it was so bad I couldn’t even write a shopping list.

Have you ever feared that your relationship with Bob could overshadow your personal career?

I deliberately allowed my relationship with Bob to overshadow my writing career. I gave it up for 15 years to devote myself to us. I believe it was the right call. There is no greater achievement no greater reward than love.

Blanche & Bob at The Polo, Richmond

Bob and Blanche – such an iconic Australian couple – could you please share what it’s been like living in the public eye for all these years?

I lived in the public eye long before I was married to Bob because my first husband was a diplomat and when overseas I was always representing our country. This required attention to dress, grooming and public behaviour. Now I’m back to writing I dress like a bag lady: track suit, no make up and don’t even mention my hair. In my suburb people are used to me. But if I’m venturing outside (I live like a hermit), I revert to “representational” mode. It’s a pain, made much worse by mobile phones with people wanting “selfies”. Over the years the news media have been intrusive and cruel. I’ve often felt injured or embarrassed.

What’s the secret behind your enduring relationship with Bob?

The great advantage of being an older couple married the second time round is that your children are grown up and you can put each other FIRST. Young parents, mothers especially, must put their babies and children as number one priority. So for Bob and me the secret is first, second and third, love. Plus a piece of old fashioned wisdom from my grandmother: “Be to his virtues ever kind. Be to his faults a little blind.” He treats me the same way, with love and respect.

What’s your most-loved part of everyday together?

Our most loved part of every day is cooking together and then eating the evening meal.

If you could have anyone at a dinner party, who would you have any why?

If I could have anyone to a dinner party I’d have Jesus of Nazareth. He would be the most intelligent, wise and articulate guest. And if the wine ran out…no problem. He’d make some more.

What’s the most perceptive one-liner/retort that you’ve ever heard? Please share any anecdotes you might have to illustrate this…

I think my favourite one-liner is “The person who marries for money earns every penny”. I’d be sued if I named the people I know who illustrate this. Over the years I’ve met lots of them—mostly women, unfortunately. Unhappy rich women.

Who are three Australian women who inspire you and why?

A person who inspires you changes the way you live your life. There are scores of Australian women artists, scientists, adventurers, business leaders, politicians and philanthropists whom I admire, but have not made me change the way I live. The one well-known figure who has is Germaine Greer for The Female Eunuch. The other two are unknown: my mother, Josie, who taught me kindness to both people and animals—that even the lowliest animal values its life, and my step-mother, Tess van Sommers who was actually a well-known journalist when she was alive. She inspired me to write.

There are fewer women at the helm of ASX200 companies, than there are men named Peter. How does that make you feel?

Women are still subjected to men. It makes me want to live my own life on my own terms.

You’ve always presented yourself so stylishly, how important is ‘grooming’ for women in business and for women in general?

Women are initially judged on their appearance and perhaps always will be. It seems to be something hard-wired into humans as the desire for power, either physical, financial or intellectual is hard-wired into men. It follows logically that all women will be judged at first on their grooming, and that the initial impression is likely to affect all later impressions. So suck it up, cup cake, although it’s a pain.

Who are your favourite designers?

For shoes, Louboutin, for handbags, Jimmy Choo, for tops, Wolford, for dresses, trousers, jackets and ALWAYS for evening clothes, my dressmaker, Hanna Kossowska, who works out of her house in Redfern, Sydney.

The Mother’s Day Polo in Richmond, NSW – a favourite of Blanche & Bob

Polo is such a glamorous sport and you’re special guests at this years event in Richmond – what’s the extent of your interest in horse-related sports? Have you ever ridden?

I used to ride until I fell off going over a jump when I was pregnant and my doctor insisted I stop. I haven’t been in a saddle for years. I was part-owner of a Golden Slipper winner and have a share of a couple of young race horses. But I enjoy a day at the polo much more than a day at the races. For the races you’ve got to get into high hells and a hat. For polo, it’s relaxed country clothes and at the end of the day you don’t have hat hair and an aching back.

What’s the most dangerous recreational activity you’ve ever taken part in?

My most dangerous activity was accidental. I was on a seaplane flying to the Great Barrier Reef where I was planning a day’s snorkelling, when it crashed. And sank. We all survived thanks to the pilot who got a window open through which we were able to swim out and cling to the fuselage for a few minutes. A yachtsman with a motorised dinghy saw the plane go into the sea and rushed over to save us.