A lifelong legal commitment declared in front of your family and friends is enough to make even the most confident bride jitter with nerves.
But could it be something more – a sign there is something deeper to investigate? Find out here…
While it’s considered typical for men to experience ‘cold feet’ prior to a wedding, for a woman, any expression of nervousness or doubt can be frowned upon and labelled an indication that the wedding or relationship isn’t right.
Megan Luscombe of Starting Today Coaching has just launched a workshop specifically designed for these women who might be experiencing what’s essentially a normal reaction to a major life transition. According to Megan, it’s important for women to realise they are not alone. And while some nerves are completely normal, others should be explored. Here’s a few common ‘Bride jitter’ scenarios Megan encounters in her coaching workshops…
The Fear: “He’s the last person I’m EVER going to sleep with!”
“This fear is more common than many woman realize, and completely normal,” explains Megan. “Accepting the reality that you will no longer be pursued by other men or pursuing them yourself can be confronting for one to admit, but that’s the ego talking. Many woman want to be desired because on an internal level it reassures them that they are wanted, which in turn makes them feel good. Having to rely on that ‘feel good’ emotion from one person can be hard to accept because the underlying fear potentially may be that they are scared one day their partner won’t find them attractive anymore (or maybe vice versa). Working with my clients I am able to get to the deeper fears that underlie their initial concerns and by working together and acknowledging these fears their worries begin to diminish.”
The Fear: “What if he isn’t The One?”
Don’t you love the romantic notions of romance that have been ingrained into our psyche since childhood, with fairytales of Snow White being saved by the Prince’s ‘kiss’ and other similar tales. “The One is a Hollywood buzzword and spikes anxiety in both men and woman because if we were to only genuinely have one person in the world made for us it would be a 1 in 7.04 billion chance for you to actually meet them, let alone date them (tough odds),” explains Megan. “There are dozens of people in this world that you could end up with and have a fantastic, exciting, loving and fulfilling relationship with that lasted ’till death do you part,’ it all comes down to the choice of who you want it to be. You need to decide what you want in a relationship and what you want out of it. What is going to make you happy to be with this person for the rest of your life? You also need to address things like your values together and as individuals, goals and so much more. If all of your boxes are ticked and you are not in a relationship that presents red flags (being abused, controlled, manipulated, etc) then you’ve made this person your ‘one’.”
The Fear: “What if I/we fall out of love?”
“Do you remember how easy it was to fall in love?” asks Megan. “Didn’t take you any effort at all did it? I’m here to give you a bit of a rude awakening and this is something I discuss with my clients all the time; what you fell into was lust. Real love takes a lot of time to grow and truly nurture. Love is a choice you make, an action you do and it needs to be worked on in a relationship all the time. You can’t fall out of love with someone if you make the choice to always love them, this is something that I work on with my clients and am very glad to say each of them now have more exciting and fulfilling relationships after working with me.”
The Fear: “What if we divorce?”
“What if you don’t?” asks Megan. “Statistically speaking 1 in every 2 marriages will end in divorce and that’s a sad reality, however it doesn’t need to be yours. Relationships are hard and life can get distracting, however my clients understand the necessary tools it takes to make a relationship last and to have it grow even through the difficult times. Divorce is necessary for some relationships (especially those that are unhealthy or abusive for one or both individuals involved) however do not be scared of the future of yours.”
The Fear: “What happens after the wedding day? Are we expected to have children and a mortgage straight away? Can’t we just enjoy us time for a while?”
“What happens after your wedding day is completely up to the both of you,” explains Megan. “Many couples are so consumed by planning their wedding in an attempt to suffocate their internal fears (some of which are mentioned above) that once the wedding day is over with, they’re left feeling as if they have nothing to do. This is why some might feel pressured to immediately start for a family or buy a home sooner than they’re ready. I encourage my clients to have open and honest discussions with their partners so they both understand what it is they expect from their marriage after the wedding day. For some, they are excited and want to start a family immediately whilst others just want to enjoy being together as a married couple for a little while. Whatever works for you and your partner is best.”
About Megan
Megan Luscombe of Starting Today Coaching has just launched a workshop specifically designed for these women who might be experiencing what’s essentially a normal reaction to a major life transition. These seminars will take place nationally with the next one occurring in Melbourne on July 27 at the Rydges Melbourne. Sessions are limited to groups of 10 demonstrating that these ladies are not alone and providing a small enough group that they can develop friendships to support them in their upcoming wedding. Additionally, post workshop, each attendee receives an individual follow up coaching session prior to the wedding. Courses are also run for grooms to be.
