How many times can you roll your eyes, ask yourself ‘why is this happening to me again?’ , then pray for some sort of mind-blowing miracle to take all of it away!
Well, if there’s one thing you can count on, that sh*t will happen throughout one’s life. But and it’s a big but, it will also pass. It’s not all doom and gloom but to always hope that you can side step it, is an unrealistic approach to living life. You’re either always trying to pre-empt its arrival (and anxiety starts to become your best friend) or perhaps, you’re blocking it out, so you don’t have to deal with it. Of course, until it hits the fan and here’s where it can get really messy!
So how do we deal with life when sh*t happens?
Firstly, let’s be clear here, for things to go wrong doesn’t always mean you’re attracting it. As I said, it happens at different periods in our life and it doesn’t discriminate, choose its victims or wait until it can burst our bubble – it happens to everyone.
One of the ways I share with clients on how to deal with life when it happens is how we ‘choose’ to respond. If we mindlessly react in these circumstances, we can begin a downward spiral. It all relates to our mindset and how our thoughts and feelings either empower or disempower us. It’s a daily habit of building a strong and supportive thought process that lead our emotions. The best time to start this is when we are feeling good about life and ourselves to grows this muscle. A lot of time we tend to work on this habit when everything has hit the fan and it’s harder to find your footing here, not impossible but a bit more challenging.
Being able to pause in a time of crisis and slightly step back from a situation can keep our emotions and thoughts from surging into overwhelm. A simple of way of looking at it is, if there is no immediate physical danger, flick off the fight, flight or freeze switch. An instant reaction is definitely needed to step out of danger but for a crisis that needs some direction, we want a response. A clear, level and balanced response – a mindful response. This is why it’s important to practice this habit during calm, good and great periods of life. It’s a daily habit that I encourage all to do.
Here are a few tips to you can start on your way and create a daily routine to build and strengthen your ability to respond:
1. Meditate daily for a minimum of 5 minutes
If you’re new to meditation that’s ok, you can start off with some mindful exercises that gently calm the mind, emotions and body. Or you can download some guided meditations that suit you.
2. Observe yourself and emotions
You know the feeling when a person tells you something that you don’t like. An emotion (e.g. anger, hurt, vulnerability, self-consciousness) surges through the body, clouding all rational thoughts – here is where we practice the ‘stop and pause’. Take a deep breath here and just notice how your emotions and body react. To observe is to step back instead of diving into these feelings and thoughts. Practice being that fly on the wall and observe yourself.
3. Choose how you respond
Here we where you build and strengthen that muscle of discernment by being proactive. Think a person you admire, notice their qualities in how they respond to life and situations when everything falls flat. If you know them well enough, ask them what habits they have, what thoughts run through their mind. And if you don’t know them, observe them. Observe their actions, their words, how and the timing of what’s said and most of all if you can, observe how they manage their energy state.
So now instead of asking ‘why me?’, STOP and PAUSE. Take a couple of deep breaths and just observe what’s happening for you. It’s time to empower yourself, time to build and strengthen this muscle then use it!
For more information about Simonne Lee, visit: http://simonnelee.com/
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