Marie Alessi spent a decade teaching people about ‘Mindset and Personal Growth’ when her own was very much put to the test by the very sudden and unexpected death of her husband Rob. Marie’s first reaction was to close down her business to be able to focus on their two young sons (only eight and ten at the time) and allow herself some time to cope with the loss.
But what did coping look like? How was she supposed to feel; what next? Her world had been turned upside down.
It was then that she received a rather sharp slap in the face when a friend having asked her how she was and in response to ‘I’m doing ok’ said, ‘oh the worst is yet to come.’ And when her psychologist asked her what grief meant to her, she knew then, that there was no ‘format’ for grief despite what people wanted her to believe.
Marie knew that in order to heal herself, she needed to grieve in her own way even if that did not fit the stereotypical grieving widow, wearing black, tearful and falling into depression. And by reverting to her training and what she did best, she could not only start her own healing journey but help others dealing with grief and loss.
And so after a mere four months following the death of her husband, Marie wrote a book called ‘Loving Life after Loss’ which was the first step on her path to healing, swiftly followed by the creation of an online Facebook group by the same name which supports those who have suffered a loss of any kind and to spread a message of hope and the belief that there is life beyond loss and that life can have space for happiness and love.
So many of the support groups I began researching focused on the loss and the tragedy of what had happened and on how much pain people were feeling. I found this really difficult and although of course the pain was enormous, I also needed relief from that pain for the sake of myself and my children,” said Marie Alessi.
I needed a space that promoted the concept of allowing happiness and joy back into life, while honouring and sharing your loved one’s memories. And soon after starting the group, the reactions from members confirmed to me that there was desperate need for this,” she said.
Marie now has almost a thousand people from around the globe, all benefiting from each other’s experiences and insights on how to cope with loss and to begin to love life after loss. You can join the group www.facebook.com/groups/LovingLifeAfterLoss and to purchase her book go to www.MarieAlessi.com
Here are some tips Marie recommends that you can use immediately:
- Every journey of grief is different. Don’t try to fit into anyone else’s “plan” of “how grief should work”. There are no expectations!
- Learn how to tell people to not share their stories of grief with you. People tend to do that to make you feel they “get” you, yet it doesn’t help you with your grief in any way!
- Be kind to yourself. Be realistic with your expectations around life after loss. It’s ok to fall apart – as much as it is ok to feel happy!! We tend to accept and allow the negative emotions in a lot easier than the positive ones! Both are ok and part of the healing journey!
- Shift your perspective: watch yourself through the eyes of your loved one you have lost, it is impossible to look at yourself through their eyes and to “not want you to be happy”!
- Here is a little gift for you: https://join.mariealessi.com/first-aid-kit
To learn more about how to cope with loss contact Marie on 0415 520 092.