Relationships begin with lust. Attraction. Desire. In the beginning, it is often fun and playful and yet for many couples, at some point, that excitement fades. The relationship loses that spark and becomes something to maintain rather than something to daily create as greater.
In traveling the world and facilitating relationship classes, the most common questions I get from women are around this topic: How do I spice things up? How do I let my partner know what turns me on? What I desire?
Spicing things up doesn’t have to be complicated. Letting your partner know what you desire doesn’t either. Here are my top 3 tips on spicing things up and receiving the satisfaction you desire.
1. Get your sexy on
How many of you after being in a relationship for a while stop seducing your partner? People often joke that you can tell how long someone has been in a relationship by the underwear they wear. Have you resorted to grandma underwear? Might sound like a simple or perhaps non-relevant thing but getting your sexy on can go a long way is heating things up. What if you got some crotchless underwear? Some lacy lingerie? Or, what if you went on a date with no underwear and halfway through dinner leaned in and whispered that in their ear? Just because you have been with someone for 10 years doesn’t mean you can’t still entice them.
Do you want to eat the same food every day or do you like to change the food you eat.? You chose someone to be in your life, this amazing person, what if you could be a different menu every day? Wear a dress that is shorter than usual. Put on some high heels. Go shopping for sex toys together. Be the seducing, enticing invitation.
2. Make it all about your partner
If you seduced your partner by making it all about them, what might that create for both of you? Less? Or more? Draw a bath, fill it with rose petals, light some candles and play nice music. When they come out of the bath pour a glass of wine. Buy some massage oil, cover the bed with towels and massage your partner. Be attentive to your partner and make it all about them and their beautiful body. You might be surprised how much more they become attentive to you.
3. Ask for what you desire
If you are with someone who adores you and you adore, ask for what you desire, talk about what you desire, ask them what they desire and then get naked and play.
If you ask for what you desire straight up front, then you can get what you desire. You have to ask and ten times out of ten your partner is very happy that you did.
You can ask, “What is the weirdest and best thing you have ever done in sex.” Notice the energy it brings up and then ask, “Can we do that?” Never make your partner wrong for what they ask for. If you are not comfortable with something, that is ok. Say that too. It is about choosing to ask, explore and create something greater for both of you.
Having the satisfaction you desire in a relationship can be easy. The key is – YOU are the one that can create that. Use these pragmatic tools. Wake up every morning and ask, “What can I do or be different today that would create something greater?” Take action. Enjoy the adventure.
The Carousel would like to thank Simone Milasas for her story.