What makes a relationship last? 

Is it tolerance? Patience? Communication, Compromise? 

Look at any relationship from the outside be it the perfect recount on social media or the dream couple in your inner circle and you won’t see the cracks. The arguments, the pet peeves, the lack of sex. But the truth is, it’s only natural to compare and question whether you and your partner truly have a future together. 

So, what are the clearest indicators your relationship is on the rocks?

The 7 biggest signs your relationship is heading for doomsday

#1 You no longer discuss the future.

When you’ve been together for an extended period, it’s natural to fall into a rhythm, what starts as love and a promise of happily ever after starts to become dull swept up in day-to-day routines. The months and years pass by with little growth, dreams, and goals you had together are still on the back burner and there are no longer discussions of future orientated goals. If you aren’t working towards a similar outcome you are working away from one together

#2 Lack of compromise

Healthy relationships rely on a fair exchange and allow for constructive discussion, feedback, and willingness to empathise. However, merely discussing problems with no desire or action to solve them indicates a lack of investment in strengthening the partnership. 

#3 Silence is deadly

Arguing in a relationship can actually be healthy for you both! This works when the communication is crystal clear, impartial, and uncritical as it shows you care about your relationship, are open to improving and believe in a mutually beneficial outcome. A healthy argument is a sign you still have passion and care enough to communicate it. When you are constantly avoiding arguments because you don’t trust you’ll reach a mutual or beneficial solution this is a red flag of relationship shutdown. 

#4 Lack of intimacy

It’s scientifically proven affection and intimacy cement trust and a stronger bond. It may seem trivial, but if you and your partner no longer enjoy spontaneous acts of intimacy like taking a bath together, holding hands in public, going to bed at the same time or don’t touch when you share it and avoid sex, these are obvious indicators of a failing relationship. 

#5 Going it alone

While having time to yourself is important, regularly making plans without your partner and living separate social lives is another sign of disconnection and disinterest. People who play together stay together.

#6 You get the ‘ick’

In the early stages of a relationship, odd habits and funny traits barely show up on your radar, but if those once ‘cute’ quirks have magnified into intolerable pet peeves, your relationship could be on the rocks. 

#7 The grass looks greener

If you’re imagining your life without your partner or romanticising being happier with someone else, it’s an indication you’re exploring what a backup plan may look like. Disconnecting emotionally and wishing your partner was different or worse still was someone else is clear evidence you’re heading to the point of no return.   

5 tips to save a relationship that’s (almost) over

#1 Focus on the positives

When you view negative aspects, you become blind to the upsides and spiral into a pattern of pessimism. Instead, start practising gratitude, viewing your partner with a positive outlook, and focusing on the traits you appreciate, admire and respect. What made you fall in love in the first place? Start complimenting and praising the little things.

#2 Intimacy and affection

The quickest way to reconnect is to show love and affection. Make an effort to be intimate, even if it’s in the simplest ways to start. This can open previously blocked emotions and introduce closeness, playfulness, excitement, and enjoyment back into the relationship. 

#3 Fire it up before throwing it out

You go to the mechanic to fix the car, call the handyman when the tap is broken, and visit the doctor when you’re sick. But why don’t we apply the same solutions to our relationships? Bravely seek out marriage counselling or coaching and work on yourself first before undertaking couples therapy. Learning new skills is a game changer.  

#4 Keep unfolding new layers

Create some intrigue around you so your partner sees a different side. Be spontaneous and live life individual from the relationship. Take on new hobbies, get a new haircut, have a makeover, work on your happiness and wellbeing, plan positive dating experiences together, have fun and keep your partner guessing.

#5 Accept changes without blame

You are both flawed humans, perfectly imperfect. Ditch unrealistic expectations of one another and accept everything changes, your relationship and your partner will change and evolve. Adopt a progressive attitude and be willing to tackle challenges together as they are the foundation for growth and ultimately support personal growth.